The King of Desperation
by FullmetalWizard1995
Summary: For the wonderful Paprika's OOC Character Contest. Samus has had her share of admirers, but none quite like him.


**Ah, after darkness and angst it feels so good to write happy fluff again XD also, I'm finding I really like contests. It's fun to try and see if I can write something within someone else's constraints, and who doesn't like a little competition? :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Link turned the corner and slammed face-first into Ganondorf's chest.

"Oof!" He let out a burst of air as he fell back onto the floor. Then, realizing he was in the prime position to be stepped on, kicked, or otherwise harmed, he quickly stood up, mumbling an apology as he dusted himself off.

Ganondorf, for his part, didn't even seem to notice. He scratched the back of his head distractedly and sighed, a low rumbling sound. Link tensed his muscles, ready to dodge an incoming punch; but none came. Rather, Ganondorf shouldered past him saying, "Never mind about it."

Link stared after his enemy, dumbfounded. _What in the…?_ Curious, he followed.

He found Ganondorf in the cafeteria at a table, a mug of coffee between his large hands and a glazed expression on his face. Link strode right up and asked, not without a small quiver of fear, "Ganondorf, are you feeling alright?"

"Eh?" Ganondorf barely looked up. "Of course I'm alright. Now, get out of my sight before I crush you."

Link obliged, leaving the cafeteria, though not quite satisfied yet.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Ike was strolling the fields outside the Smash Mansion, feeling pumped: he had just won an intense brawl between himself, Solid Snake, and Samus, and was feeling like he could take on the world. He was itching to test himself against a more formidable enemy, who he could see at a distance now.

"Hey, Ganondorf!" Ike yelled. "Whaddya say you and I go head to…head…" He trailed off as he got closer, lurching to a halt as he couldn't believe his eyes.

Ganondorf was picking flowers.

"Ike," the overlord said, noticing the hero. "What do you want?"

"Uh…" Ike's brain had ceased to function properly. It was imagining Ganondorf in a frilly gown with flowers raining from the sky. "I was…er…wondering if you wanted to brawl with me?" He finished with a squeak.

"Not today," Ganondorf replied gruffly, "I am busy."

Ike continued to stare as Ganondorf started to walk away back to the mansion, a haphazard bouquet of flowers in hand. The hero hung his head.

"Not a single person is going to believe me when I tell them about this."

* * *

"I do not believe you one bit."

Link stood with his arms folded facing Ike, who held up his hands in a helpless gesture. "I saw what I saw."

Link frowned. "Well, he did act strangely this morning."

"Hmm."

The boys watched as Samus approached them. "Hey, do either of you know who this might be from?" She handed Ike a folded pink note. "It was slipped under my door this morning."

Ike opened it and read the contents aloud:

O river of my heart's desire,  
O sword of fighting beauty,  
Won't you be mine forever,  
And shun all others for eternity?

Together we'd rule the world,  
O bearer of treasure and lust,  
You know, you don't really have an option,  
Because I'm going to steal you away at dusk.

"…"

"That was terrible." Link stated bluntly. "Really, truly awful."

"I think my ears are bleeding," Ike said, after giving himself a moment to recover from the bad poetry.

Samus pouted, folding her arms under chest, making it more prominent. "Any idea who wrote it?" she asked Ike.

Suddenly, Ike realized he was drooling. Forcing his gaze up he replied, "It's obviously someone with no ear for poetry and who's not very bright. And someone who really likes you."

_I can see why…_ Link thought to himself. Suddenly, heard a voice in his ear, causing him to jump.

"What's going on over here?" Zelda innocently asked the little group.

Ike handed her the poem. "Do you know who wrote this?"

Zelda gave the poem a once-over. "Ganondorf."

"Eh?" Link looked at the paper. "I didn't think that oaf could write!"

Zelda shook her head. "He could've gotten someone to write it for him, you know. In any case, the words can only be his: the juvenile metaphors and threats reek of ignorance."

Ike whistled. "Man, how desperate can a guy be?"

"Apparently very, because here he comes."

They all turned to see Ganondorf approach. Ike noticed he still had the bouquet of wildflowers, but they were now tied poorly with a black ribbon. Ganondorf walked right up and shoved them at Samus. She regarded them evenly.

"Take me now, flame of passion," he said emotionlessly, "or I'll take you later." His face remained completely straight. Link, on the other hand, fought to stifle a guffaw while Zelda held up a delicate hand to cover her mouth.

Without changing her tone of voice, Samus replied, "Not if you paid me."

"I'm warning you…the fire burns too hot."

Samus strode forward until she was right in front of Ganondorf, staring up at his face. "If you so much as look at me the wrong way, I will make you wish you'd never been born." She whipped her long blonde ponytail in his face, spun on her heel and marched off.

Ganondorf appeared dazed. Link watched him closely for any sign of movement. He got what he was looking for: Ganondorf noticed him and said, "What are you looking at?" Then he punched him, sending the Hylian flying back, and bellowed, "Out of my way, puny elf!" And he left, tossing the flowers in the garbage can as he went.

As Link stood up, shaking and holding his injured face, Zelda smiled. "At least we're all back to normal now." Ike couldn't help but agree.


End file.
